BRIDGING THE CLARITY GAP
DISCOVER WHAT YOU TRULY WANT
3-Minute Read
It started for me in the cereal aisle. Coming back from living two years abroad, I was unprepared for the enormous wall of cereal staring at me. And it didn’t stop with the cereal; every aisle posed the same problem: So. Many. Options. It was difficult to decide what I wanted; took me three hours to buy 15 items that day.
Today’s conversation is not about grocery shopping. It’s about the deeper principle my experience shopping points to: the benefit of getting clear on what you want. Had I been decisively clear on what I wanted before heading to the store, endless options wouldn’t have posed a problem. That’s the value of clarity.
Have you ever been unclear about what you want in life? For some, lack of clarity is a steady state; for others it ebbs and flows in different seasons. Maybe you’re in the midst of murky waters right now.
In this issue of The Grip, we uncover five significant reasons people are often unclear about what they want and introduce a powerful tool to help you get clear anytime you need to do so.
Let’s dive in!
5 REASONS YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT
You can be crystal clear regarding what you want in some areas of your life and simultaneously confused or ambivalent in others. Consider these seven areas of life: Material, Relational, Mental, Physical, Emotional, Spiritual, and Purpose.
Where are you lacking clarity for what you want? Keep that area in mind as we explore the possible reasons keeping you in the dark.
You’re focused on what you don’t want. We covered this foundational conundrum in depth in the issue Focus Forward. When you’ve learned to keep your eyes on what you don’t want, it will be difficult for you to have a clear sense of what you do want.
You’re resigned to not getting what you want, so you’ve convinced yourself you no longer want it. Extended delay is exhausting. Proverbs says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick.” If the thing you desire has been unattainable for months, years, or even decades, it’s possible you have switched off your attention to it out of self-preservation. Ignoring your desire doesn’t actually feel good; it just sucks slightly less than actively holding out hope for something unlikely to happen.
You’re letting outside forces (circumstances, societal pressure, familial expectation) determine your priorities. You have probably judged your real desires as trivial, excessive, naive, indulgent, arrogant, or selfish. You no longer let yourself aspire to what authentically matters to you and have adopted what your community has determined to be valuable or right instead.
You’re using confusion and indecision to covertly avoid your responsibility to create what matters to you. Clarity brings responsibility. When you know what you want, it’s up to you to create it. If there is fear, worry, or concern about your capacity to create your desired outcome, or about what it will mean for you when you do, confusion and indecision are socially acceptable ways to avoid that responsibility. This is a sneaky survival-brain maneuver; if this is happening for you, you’re likely not doing it consciously.
You’re fully satisfied with everything you do and don’t have right now; you sincerely want for nothing. This last one is a bit of a trick. In this case, you do know what you want, and it’s nothing. In each area of your life, you’ve got everything you desire. There is nothing right or wrong about wanting nothing, just as there is nothing right or wrong about wanting something. Most people cycle in and out of this one throughout their lives. Know that sometimes, when posed with the question, “What do you want?” and you can’t come up with anything, it may be because you’re full. Celebrate that!
“ Clarity brings responsibility. When you know what you want, it’s up to you to create it.”
DISCOVER YOUR DESIRE EXERCISE
The following is a powerful practice to help you generate clarity on what you truly want—whether you're overwhelmed, confused, discouraged, or ready to embrace a new aspiration. It will help you connect with your innermost desires without limits, allowing your imagination to run free.
Instructions:
Commit Time: Set aside 15 minutes, 3-5 times per week, for this exercise.
Tools Ready: Have a pen and paper nearby.
Choose a Focus: Pick one area of life to focus on—Material, Relational, Mental, Physical, Emotional, Spiritual, or Purpose.
Ask & Visualize: Close your eyes and ask yourself, "What do I want right now?" Let your imagination run wild. Think of anything, no matter how far-fetched or unrealistic:
Bars of gold filling your private vault
Becoming president of your country
Piloting a mission to Mars
Leading an off-grid family life
Winning the Tour De France
Allow any desire to surface, without judgment or the constraints of your current reality.
Visualize & Write: In 5-minute intervals, spend 3 minutes visualizing your outrageous desire, then 2 minutes writing it down. Bullet points are fine. Repeat for three cycles, each time building on or changing your vision.
Notice Patterns: After completing 9 sets (over a few sessions), review your notes. What patterns or shifts emerge? What new insights do you notice about what you truly want? You might start out envisioning living in a new country every month and, as you progress, the desire that emerges is to have more novelty and adventure built into your day to day at home. Or you might solidify your desire to work remotely from exotic locations next year.
Stick With It: Repeat this exercise as needed until a new path for fulfilling your desires becomes clear.
Take Action: Once you’ve identified a path, take bold action to start realizing your desires.
OPTIONAL—Amplify: Invite 2-3 trusted friends or team members to join you in the exercise and share insights. Practicing together can enhance your results.
Use the Discover Your Desire Exercise in combination with the Practicing Vivid Imagination Exercise we introduced a few weeks ago. When practiced together, they will resolve the root causes of not knowing what you want. Using these tools regularly and consistently will transform how quickly you convert your desires into reality.
If you’d like access to downloadable exercises like these, subscribe to The Grip. Every week you’ll receive exclusive video, audio, and pdf tools directly in your email inbox to help you transform at both work and home.
Keep creating!
May you prosper in every way!
Becky & TPL Team
52 Maxims of Conscious Choosing To Create the Deeply Satisfying Life You Desire.