Unmasking The Imposter 3
5-Minute Read
Have you ever observed a young elephant that has not yet mastered control over its trunk? Watch here for a quick laugh. By years two or three, an elephant has begun to get basic trunk control down, but it takes several more years before anything resembling mastery locks in. And while it might get frustrated at its limited skill while maturing into its full capabilities, I'll bet that an elephant does NOT struggle with a sense of Imposter Syndrome along the way.
But we humans do. A lot of us do; a lot of the time. Especially leaders. What drives us to Imposter Syndrome to begin with? From what we know about how the human mind works, Imposter Syndrome seems to be largely driven by several survival-brain behaviors. And today we’re focusing on one of the most powerful of these hard-wired biological drives: the avoidance of discomfort.
Good news! You can rid yourself of Fake It Til You Make It for good by recalibrating your avoidance response to discomfort. Here’s the catch: this avoidance response is buried deep in your subconscious brain, making it tricky to access, let alone modify. And your survival brain is clever, often disguising itself as logic and reason to keep you in your comfort zone.
So today we are bringing light to Discomfort, the third “way of being” at the heart of Imposter Syndrome, to help you identify your own programming for avoiding it. By recognizing how you relate to discomfort, you will be equipped to eliminate Imposter syndrome once and for all.
Also, I created a infographic for annihilating Imposter Syndrome from your life, distilling our three conversations of Language, Maturity, and Discomfort into a one-page summary. Download it for easy reference or to share with others. It’s at the end of this post.
recalibrating discomfort
Growth Lives Outside Your Comfort Zone
Growth is inherently uncomfortable. Anytime you take on something outside of your current skillset, it will not only be initially unfamiliar and awkward, you likely won’t be any good at it as well. This is what happens in the early days of choosing a new way of being.
At the same time, your survival brain is genetically programmed to experience pain as a threat to your wellbeing. As such, it automatically interprets discomfort as an enemy. Generating a new way of being is the exact scenario that your survival brain is primed to interpret as a threat. Once triggered, your survival brain then gets busy motivating you away from the threat, back to the familiar safety of your comfort zone.
When creating a new way of being, you will need to train yourself to move toward discomfort rather than away from it. Training yourself to see discomfort as your friend rather than your foe will empower you to stop thwarting the process of genuine growth in your life.
Growth Gets Mistaken For Pretense
One of the clever ways your survival brain will get you to avoid the discomfort of growth is to convince you that since your new way of being feels foreign and strange, it must be fake. This shows up LOUDLY in language.
I remember how awkward it felt to initially call myself a coach after 10 years of being a counselor. In my early days transitioning to coaching, every time I said, “I’m an executive coach,” my mind flooded with:
“No you’re not.”
“Fraud.”
“You don’t even have any clients.”
“Nobody will hire you.”
“You’re a therapist, not a coach!”
All of that disempowered language was my survival brain in action—defending its old, familiar programming. Had I listened to it, I would have experienced myself pretending to be someone I wasn’t. Instead, I was able to recognize it as a biological drive trying to “help” me avoid the “threat” of being someone new. I reminded myself that in the same way a child is an immature human and not an imposter human, I was an immature coach and not an imposter coach.
With practice, calling myself a coach eventually became my new normal. Remember, anything that is currently normal for you is a function of practice and familiarity, not necessarily truth nor benefit. Growth requires that you upgrade your sense of normal.
Comfort Forfeits Growth
Developing new capacities, skills, and strengths takes work—practice, mistakes, and even pain over months and years. UNCOMFORTABLE. This work is a disruption to the survival’s brain’s agenda to have you maintain status quo. The survival brain will steer you toward comfort instead, so that you bypass developmental work even as you present to the world that you’ve “got it all together.” This is where much of the Fake It Til You Make It illusion originates.
Know that every choice you make for comfort is a choice to forfeit authentic growth. But by choosing the uncomfortable work that your development depends upon, you will authentically grow into the fullness you’re capable of AND overcome your hard-wiring to be an imposter in life.
“A new way of being is never fake when it is genuinely created.
Stop faking—start creating.”
The most powerful antidote for Imposter Syndrome can be summed up in one word: CREATION.
You will annihilate Imposter Syndrome from your life by authentically creating a new way of being. A new way of being is never fake when it is genuinely created. Stop faking—start creating.
To that end, the three ways of being we have covered—Language, Maturity, and Discomfort—are essential for authentic creation. Master them, and they will have you achieving the greatness you are capable of, authentically.
Imposter Syndrome Annihilator—CLICK TO DOWNLOAD
what has me inspired this week?
Who I’m learning from and the experiences impacting my own development. I find great value in them—you may as well.
Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski
“The stimulus for the lobster to be able to grow is that it feels uncomfortable!”
Rabbi Twerski’s perspective on everyday life issues has informed my own outlook for years. This video in particular—How Do Lobsters Grow?” shifted how I see discomfort and the value I give to it.
Dr. Twerski was a psychiatrist and rabbi who became a leading authority on drug treatment and addiction, authoring over 100 books on topics including addictions, psychology, and spirituality. He passed away January 30, 2021 at the age of 90.
You can find an archive of 35 of his thought-provoking videos on the YouTube channel JINSIDER and more information about his work and legacy at www.twerskicenter.org
May you prosper in every way!
Becky & TPL Team
52 Maxims of Conscious Choosing To Create the Deeply Satisfying Life You Desire.