THE HIDDEN BENEFIT OF WHAT’S DRIVING YOU CRAZY
Your Problem Is Doing A Great Job
3-Minute Read
Frustration has benefits. Want to see yours?
What’s one thing at work or home you keep complaining about, but haven’t done what’s necessary to change?
It’s not that you don’t know what to do. You’re a founder. You solve problems for a living. Which is exactly why this one matters.
Founders are trained to hunt for what’s wrong and fix it—risks, gaps, fires, threats.
So if something is persisting, still repeating, still draining you, it might not be “broken.” It might be working. Not in a cute way. In a payoff way.
Pick one complaint. Hold it in your mind. And let me tell you a story that gets at the heart of what’s happening.
Let’s dive in.
your perfect complaint
The Benefits
I know a woman named Kay.
Kay has struggled with her weight most of her adult life. Her complaint sounds like this: “I just can’t lose this extra weight, no matter what I try.” And she does try. A plan. A cleanse. A burst of motivation. Then she stops. Then she tries again. Then stops again.
Kay doesn’t just want to lose weight. She wants the weight to explain her life.
She says the weight is why she’s still single. Why she can’t hold a job. Why she feels depressed. In her mind, if she could just get her weight under control, everything else would finally fall into place.
According to Kay, there is something wrong with her weight and she needs to “fix” it. And that is the cover story for the mechanics of a stuck pattern.
Consider this possibility: Kay’s weight is perfect.
Not “body positivity” perfect. “It’s serving a purpose” perfect.
People don’t keep doing things that have no benefit. We don’t keep tolerating pain for no reason. If a pattern persists, there’s usually a payoff hiding inside it. Sometimes it’s obvious. Sometimes it’s buried and completely misaligned with what we consciously want.
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Even when a behavior creates all kinds of genuine problems, it’s still a solution for something. For Kay, the weight may be protection.
Protection from dating, and being seen. Protection from risking rejection. Protection from the discomfort of trying something new and failing publicly. Protection from the pressure of becoming the version of herself she claims to want. The weight gives her a story that lets her stay in a familiar life, even if it’s a miserable one.
And founders, we do the same thing.
We complain about the team, but staying frustrated lets us be right about how wrong they are. We complain about being exhausted, but overworking lets us avoid the fear that we might not be valuable unless we’re producing. We complain there’s never enough time, but perpetually running behind keeps us from having to choose what matters most.
If a costly behavior persists, there is a payoff at work. It’s working perfectly. Always.
“Even when a behavior creates all kinds of genuine problems, it’s still a solution for something. For Kay, the weight may be protection.”
Uncovering The Payoff
So let’s make this practical.
Take the complaint you identified earlier.
Now ask yourself:
What does this problem let me do?
What does it let me avoid?
What do I get to keep believing about myself if this stays the same?
Who might I disappoint if I actually solved it?
What would I have to let go, change, or risk if the complaint disappeared?
And one more, because founders love growth even when it stings:
What part of me enjoys being right about how hard this is?
I’m not saying your complaint isn’t real. I’m saying that if it has stuck around awhile, it’s useful. And if it’s useful, it’s time to consciously decide if the payoff is worth the price.
What’s the payoff of your complaint? Write one sentence: “This is serving me by ______.”
When you can see the benefit, you can accurately count the cost. Is the benefit worth it? Notice how easily you can drop a persistent complaint the moment you decide it’s not worth the price.
Use this process on any other persistent complaint at work or home; most of us have more than one. It builds decisive clarity and will have you mastering the hidden obstacles that get in your way.
Keep creating.
key takeaways
If a complaint keeps repeating, there’s usually a payoff, even if you don’t like admitting it.
The fastest shift is naming the benefit, then deciding if it’s worth the price.
Clarity comes from one sentence: “This is serving me by ____.”
WORK 1:1 WITH BECKY
As a self-mastery coach, I help mission-driven founders accelerate desired results without sacrificing what matters. If that sounds like good news, REACH OUT to experience how 1:1 coaching can empower you to be the masterful leader your mission requires.
May you prosper in every way!
Becky & TPL Team
52 Maxims of Conscious Choosing To Create the Deeply Satisfying Life You Desire.