YOUR BRAIN’S TEMPER TANTRUM PT. 1
Rejection Won’t Wreck You
2-Minute Read
I’ve never been chased by a bear, but if I were, I’d want my survival brain doing what it does best: getting me to safety. No questions asked, no hesitation—just pure instinct and action.
The survival brain’s primary role is to detect threats and mobilize you for survival. But what happens when the definition of “threat” expands beyond real danger? What happens when your brain, built for physical survival, starts reacting to social rejection, mistakes, or discomfort as if they were life-threatening? That’s when your survival brain goes rogue. It leaves you reacting to imaginary bear attacks, hijacking your clarity, decision-making, and peace of mind.
In this issue of The Grip, we begin a 3-part series breaking down how the survival brain works, exposing three outdated “threats” from childhood you might still be battling as an adult, and giving you powerful mental reframes to tame this overactive alarm system. Today, we start with the first: the fear of not being liked and accepted.
Let’s dive in!
survival brain: the drive to be liked
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life." — Steve Jobs
Your survival brain isn’t interested in your advanced development—it’s interested in keeping you alive enough to maintain the status quo. Its primary function is threat detection, and it doesn’t discriminate between a charging bear and a disapproving glance. The moment it perceives danger, it hijacks your nervous system, launching you into Fight (Confront, Dominate), Flight (Avoid, Escape), or Freeze (Detach, Shut Down).
The problem? Most of the “threats” you face today aren’t about survival. They’re about perception. And one of the biggest misperceptions your survival brain clings to is this: not being liked and accepted mean life or death.
CHILDHOOD THREAT #1: NOT BEING LIKED OR ACCEPTED
As a newborn, your literal survival depended on being accepted. If your caregivers rejected you, you wouldn’t make it. Your brain learned early: acceptance = survival.
But instead of dropping this belief as you became capable of taking care of yourself, your survival brain expanded its definition of “threat” to include any situation where you might face rejection or disapproval. Friends, coworkers, social media followers—if someone doesn’t like you, your brain still reacts as if your survival is at stake.
Do you ever hesitate to speak up, express your true thoughts, or take risks that might invite criticism? Are you concerned that others think well of you? This is the survival brain in action, warning you to stay away from what it perceives to be danger.
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MENTAL REFRAME: WHAT IF IT DOESN’T MATTER?
The fastest way to disarm your survival brain is curiosity. When you notice yourself shrinking back out of fear of disapproval or altering yourself to be liked, ask:
Who would I be without this concern for what they think?
If they don’t like or accept me, what’s the worst that happens?
What if their opinion of me is none of my business?
How could I use rejection to my benefit?
Consider this: rejection is just redirection. Reframing it as neutral information rather than life-threatening danger allows you to engage with the world from a place of power, not fear.
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”
Your survival brain is wired to equate acceptance with safety—but you are no longer a helpless child. You don’t need universal approval to thrive. Next time you feel the fear of rejection creeping in, use the mental reframe from today: What if their opinion just doesn’t matter?
In Part 2, we’ll explore another outdated threat: the need to always be right. Until next week, take this wisdom from Dr. Seuss to heart: “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
Keep creating!
key takeaways
Why does rejection feel so painful?
Your survival brain is wired to treat rejection as a threat because, as a child, social acceptance was essential for survival.
How does fear of rejection hold you back?
It stops you from speaking up, taking risks, and being authentic, keeping you trapped in self-doubt and hesitation.
How can you reframe rejection?
Shift your mindset by asking: What if their opinion doesn’t matter? Treat rejection as neutral information, not danger.
May you prosper in every way!
Becky & TPL Team
52 Maxims of Conscious Choosing To Create the Deeply Satisfying Life You Desire.