BE A STAND, NOT A JUDGE
How To Handle A Broken Agreement
4-Minute Read
Your people don't want to be corrected; they want to be inspired.
Somewhere on your team right now, an agreement is quietly flatlining: a deadline that slipped and nobody flagged it, a commitment that fell through the cracks.
Your response to the broken agreement matters more than the agreement itself; that's your true company culture. Not your mission statement or values on the wall. What you do when someone breaks their word.
Founders in this moment often default to one of two moves: come down hard to protect their authority or let it go to protect the relationship. But there's another way, one that doesn't require you to choose between being the bad guy everyone fears and the nice guy everyone ignores.
This week in The Grip, we're walking through exactly what that looks like: what to ask, what to listen for, and how to turn a broken agreement into the moment your team starts trusting you more, not less.
Your culture is built in moments like this one. Build it on purpose.
handling broken agreements
When Someone Breaks Their Word, What You Do Next Becomes Your Culture
Your word, matched by your action, is integrity. That's true for you. It's also the lesson everyone on your team is learning from you, whether you're teaching it on purpose or not.
Early in my integrity journey, I noticed that the more I required integrity of myself, the more integrity gaps I experienced from others. It was frustrating.
And then I saw it: the way I handle integrity gaps with others is really an extension of my own integrity.
An integrity gap is structural. It shows you exactly where your word and your action stopped matching. Your team builds itself around the actions they can count on from you. Closing that gap is about making your word and your action the same thing, not sometimes, but consistently enough that your team stops waiting to see which version shows up.
That includes what you do when someone else breaks their word.
Punish them, and they learn to hide the next slip. Ignore it, and agreements go from real to optional. Neither builds anything you'd want to lead.
There's a third option: curiosity instead of correction.
A stand for who they're capable of being, not a judgement against who they've been.
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What My Chronically Late Friend Taught Me About Broken Agreements
One of my longtime friends was habitually thirty to sixty minutes late. Lunch, dinner, travel, always late. Never just late, either. Always late because of some reason other than her own choices.
One day, without making her wrong, I asked: "What is it that keeps you from showing up when you said you would?"
Her eyes got big as the realization hit her. "I have zero margin in my day," she said. "And I never saw it before this moment. I've scheduled every meeting back to back, no transition time between them, and by ten in the morning I'm already behind, cleaning up messes for being late, missing deadlines. It's exhausting. I can turn this around tomorrow just by building in buffer time."
I didn't correct her; I helped her see something she couldn't see on her own. Most people don't set out to break their word. They just can't spot the habit standing in the way of keeping it.
As a leader, one of the greatest ways you can serve your team is to help them discover those obstacles; curiosity, not condemnation.
The Integrity Practice That Had Clients Happy To Pay For Missed Appointments
Years ago I was part of a group counseling practice. In one staffing meeting, several counselors complained about clients skipping out on late-cancel and no-show fees, some owing over ten sessions. Our front desk administrator interrupted: "Y'all should ask Becky what she's doing, because when her clients call to cancel late, they immediately give me their card and reschedule."
It was simple. In the first session, I told every client that I charge for late cancellations and no-shows, and if it happened, I'd require payment before booking again. Then I did it. I charged them. Every time.
They were responsible adults. If they chose to prioritize something else over a session, that was fine. But for that to work for both of us, they'd still be responsible to cover the cost if they missed. Then I'd ask, "Does that work for you?"
The clients who didn't like it just didn't come back. And my calendar filled up with clients happy to hold up their end. Their own self-respect grew every time they did.
How you handle integrity gaps when they happen is the foundation of the company culture you’re creating. Articulate your agreements, articulate what happens when someone falls short, and then do the thing you said you would do. That's how you stand for what they're capable of and build a culture of trust.
“Most people don’t set out to break their word. They just can’t spot the habit standing in the way of keeping it.”
7 Questions To Confront A Broken Agreement Without Making Anyone Wrong
When confronting an integrity gap with your team member, before you say a word, ask yourself:
"If nothing's wrong here, what do I want to create in this conversation? If I don't see them as wrong, how do I see them?"
This is your check so that the following questions are authentic discovery, not a witch hunt. People can sense the difference.
Then have the conversation. Here's what that confrontation sounds like:
There's nothing wrong here, and breaking agreements doesn't work. What happened that you didn't keep yours?
I see you as capable of doing what you say you'll do. How important is it to you to be a person who can be counted on?
What stops you? What gets in your way?
What has to change for you to hold up your end?
What has this cost everyone involved?
How will you make up for this in a way that leaves the affected parties better off?
What will you do differently next time to fulfill your agreement?
This is how you help someone who genuinely wants to keep their agreements with you do so. It doesn't work with people who have no real commitment to integrity. But for those who do, it helps them become who they're capable of being.
When integrity slips with your team, don't make them wrong, make them great. Build trust and workable relationships by standing for what they're capable of.
This week, pick one broken agreement floating around your business. Get responsible for cleaning it up. Be curious in your conversation. Create a new future to live into together.
Keep creating.
key takeaways
How you respond to a broken agreement shapes your culture more than any mission statement or values document.
Punishing mistakes teaches your team to hide them. Ignoring mistakes makes agreements optional. Neither builds trust.
Curiosity about a person's capability, not judgment about their failure, is what turns a broken agreement into a trust-building moment.
WORK 1:1 WITH BECKY
As a self-mastery coach, I help mission-driven founders accelerate desired results without sacrificing what matters. If that sounds like good news, REACH OUT to experience how 1:1 coaching can empower you to be the masterful leader your mission requires.
May you prosper in every way!
Becky & TPL Team
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