YOUR RELATIONSHIPS AREN’T RANDOM—YOU BUILT THIS
Imagine If You Got Intentional With It
3-Minute Read
You are the common denominator in every relationship you have.
You don’t build anything meaningful alone. Every bold vision you carry runs through one channel: Relationships.
Co-founders. Team. Investors. Partner. Kids. You are surrounded by people, but here’s the quiet question underneath the noise:
Are your relationships actually working for the life and mission you want?
Most leaders treat relationships like something they “ended up with.” People just show up in your story, and you try to manage the fallout.
But what if every relationship in your life is something you are creating in real time? What if your way of being sets the tone for how people show up with you?
This issue of The Grip is about moving from default relationships that drain energy, trust, and execution…to intentional relationships that multiply clarity, satisfaction, and long-term results.
It’s time to upgrade the source of your relationships: you.
Let’s dive in.
relationships that work
Default Vs. Intentional Relationships
Do you see yourself as the creator of your relationships? Most people don’t. They see relationships as something they wound up with.
Family. Friends. Co-workers. Employees. Partners. Most are living in default relationships. These relationships keep being what they are, without any conscious change on your part.
Imagine, instead, that you are intentionally creating every relationship you are in.
You can establish qualities in your relationships with others that they get nowhere else. For me, integrity with agreements is non-negotiable. If you are in relationship with me, you don’t have to be perfect, but you do have to respect your word and honor our agreements.
A few years ago, I had a 2 pm coffee with a friend. She called at 1:58, out of breath. “I just parked, I’m two minutes away, walking your way right now.” When she sat down, she said, “You’re the only person I’m ever on time for.”
That didn’t happen by accident. It wasn’t pressure or manipulation. It was something I created by how I show up, what I allow, and what I don’t. And it was highly intentional.
When you see yourself as the creator of your relationships, you take responsibility for the dynamics you’ve been tolerating. And you suddenly have power to change them.
Be a Stand for the Relationships You Want
You are the space in which your relationships occur. Your story about the relationship shapes how you show up in it. You always behave consistent with how you perceive things to be.
My client Katherine saw this clearly. She realized who she was being in her relationship was “waiting to see if it was going to work out.”
No surprise. It was failing.
She made a new commitment: “My relationship is extraordinary because I’m in it.” She decided her relationship is extraordinary. Not someday. Now. And she started acting from that place. Listening differently. Initiating brave conversations. Owning the outcomes. Suddenly, she was building the very relationship she had been waiting to receive.
Being a stand for extraordinary relationship is not just a nice phrase. It is a new context that allows extraordinary action to show up at all. That commitment is everything, especially when the situation still looks like the old, unworkable version.
It’s the stand that keeps Katherine adjusting, experimenting, and doing what’s needed to create what she is now committed to having.
Another client, Doug, used to describe his employees as “like herding cats.” That story drove his actions. He tolerated missed deadlines and chronic lateness because, in his mind, “that’s just how they are.”
Then he chose to be a stand for the team he actually wanted: professional, integrity-driven, responsible adults. He changed how he led. Clear agreements. Real consequences. Respect both ways. Within weeks, 90% of his team stepped up. The other 10% left. Doug was now leading the “dream team” he thought he could never have, made from the same humans he used to complain about.
If your relationships, personally or professionally, are not working, and you want that to change, the first place to look is not “out there” in them.
It’s in you.
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Questions That Shift the Space You Are Being
Use these to see the space you have been creating:
Who am I in relationship?
What are my relationships actually about? Survival, validation, impact, enjoyment?
What quality of relationship do I make room for?
How do others experience me?
Which relationships work really well? Who am I being there?
Which relationships don’t work? Who am I being there?
What is the space I’m creating for my marriage, business, team, community?
Does that space have room for what I actually want?
What’s not working?
Who have I been that created, co-created, or allowed this unworkability?
Who am I for others?
Who do others get to be with me?
Next, ask someone you trust for honest feedback. No arguing. No defending. No guilt-tripping. Only gratitude.
Ask a trusted friend, mentor, partner, or spouse:
How do you see me in relationships?
How do you experience me when conflict shows up?
What do you say about me to others?
What do others say about me?
What do you see as my blind spots in relationships?
These questions are not about blame. They are about access to information you cannot see from the inside. Information you need if you are serious about building relationships that can carry the weight of your mission.
“My relationship is extraordinary because I’m in it.”
You don’t just “have” relationships. You are creating them, every day, by who you are being inside them.
If you want a different level of love, trust, loyalty, or performance, it’s on you to lead it.
This week, choose one relationship that matters to you. Decide what you want it to be about, on purpose. Then be the stand for that quality, no matter how the other person is currently showing up.
Because when you change the space you are being, you change the relationship. And when you change your relationships, you change the reach and legacy of your entire life.
Keep creating.
key takeaways
You are the common denominator. Your stories and standards quietly design every relationship you are in, at home and at work.
Default relationships drain execution. When you tolerate unworkable dynamics, you pay in energy, trust, and results across your team and life.
Intentional relationships scale impact. When you choose who you will be in relationship and stand for that, people around you rise, the right ones stay, and your mission becomes more workable.
May you prosper in every way!
Becky & TPL Team
52 Maxims of Conscious Choosing To Create the Deeply Satisfying Life You Desire.